Stupid Jerk
by crazy-says-I
Summary: That Stupid Jerk Sasuke being all heroish again. Bringing him his lost keys and making him Ramen. Stupid jerk, stupid jerk, stupid jerk! Sasunaru yaoi!


**Disclaimer: **Obviously, I don't own it.

**Warnings:** I don't see why I should _warn_ you about yaoi, but I am. That and some OOC.

**A/N: **Small one-shot. I just watched a Naruto marathon and now it's stuck in my head.

Stupid Jerk

"That stupid jerk!" Naruto shouted, stomping down the street to his home. Quite a few pedestrians were angry with him for throwing his feet down so forcefully seeing as he stepped on a cat's tail, making the cat jump onto a melon cart and squash all of the melons.

Then the cat leaped off the cart and hit the break, which obviously ended in disaster. But Naruto wasn't focusing on any of that.

He was still whining about the stupid jerk that is Sasuke.

"He thinks he's so cool!" the blonde griped. "Oh look at me, I'm Sasuke and I can do anything. HA! I could take him."

As Naruto came to the door leading to his house he realized an important detail he seemed to have overlooked.

The door was locked.

Normally, this wouldn't have been a problem for Naruto because he would have a key.

However, because of the fight he had with Sasuke earlier that very same day, he'd left the key at the bridge.

"Well this sucks." Naruto sighed, temporarily forgetting that he was supposed to be ranting about the Stupid Jerk. His plan had originally been to go into his house, get some ramen and a warm blanket and _then_ continue with his philippic, but-

"That **stupid jerk!!** Making me forget my keys."

"Looking for these, dobe?" The future Hokage growled, much resembling the beast within, and turned to glare at the speaker. A.K.A Sasuke. A.K.A. the Stupid Jerk.

"What's it to you?" Sasuke rolled his eyes and pushed the keys into Naruto's hands.

"It's supposed to rain tonight and if you are stuck outside I can't fight you tomorrow. It would be even easier than usual, which would make it a complete and total bore."

"That's not true! You were just saying before that I was getting better! You are a liar Sasuke!" Almost immediately the Uchiha realized that he had started yet another of Naruto's very very increasingly long accusation speeches and he sighed. Sasuke grabbed the keys back from Naruto and selected one that would open the door.

He walked in and up to Naruto's apartment as if he had every day of his life. Naruto blindly followed because he was nowhere near done yelling at the Stupid Jerk. He was only at the "Why does Sakura like you and not me?!!!?" part of his tirade and everyone knows that means he's still got twenty minutes to go.

Being the brunt of most of Naruto's outbursts, Sasuke knew that he'd be in the company of his friend for quite some time so he foraged through the kitchen until he found two bowls and some microwave Ramen.

Naruto was still oblivious to that because now he was at "I'm going to be the next Hokage!" and that meant the speech would be done in 15 minutes...

Enough time to make Ramen, figured Sasuke.

13 minutes, 46 seconds later Sasuke figured that most people would have might possibly left Naruto by now.

But it was just too amusing.

That and Sasuke had something very important he needed to tell his friend. It was so important that he might have even interrupted the last part of the blonde's screaming.

If it wasn't the most important part to his plan, that is. Remembering this fact, Sasuke tuned back in to what Naruto was saying.

"-And why the hell does everyone treat you so special? I mean come on! I could easily beat you anytime!"

"Yeah, you've proven that time and time again dobe. Now, eat up, your Ramen is getting cold."

Naruto stopped with an expression that could only be expressed using the words "shocked" and "pissed" in the same sentence. Maybe "practically shitting his pants" could be thrown in but that might be pushing it.

After a minute of staring with an open mouth, Naruto sat down and started to eat his meal. He began devouring it as usual, but then remembered who was sitting across from him.

_What if I was chomping on Sasuke's head right now?_

The very thought of causing bodily harm to his rival thrilled Naruto to the point where he actually began to chomp on the noodles and the chopsticks, effectively getting splinters in his mouth.

He worked up enough saliva and washed the wood away, not once noticing the eyes on him. Then another thought hit him.

_What if it really _was_ Sasuke's face I was eating?_

Before he could catch himself, Naruto had stuck his tongue in the noodles on his chopsticks, actually managing to make Sasuke choke on his own food.

"Do you always make out with your food, dobe?"

Realizing that he was, in fact making out with his dinner Naruto's eyes shot open. Then, once it dawned on him that he was fantasizing about Sasuke while making out with his dinner he spit everything in his mouth out onto the table and started choking on the portion that he tried to swallow.

Without freaking out, because Uchiha's don't freak out, Sasuke ran around the small table and pulled Naruto out of his seat. Using what little medical knowledge he had, he attempting the Heimlich maneuver, only to realize that it actually took some skills that he didn't have to do that.

So, being the logic-driven non-hormonally-charged intelligent teenager that he his, he did the only thing he could think of at the moment.

He put his mouth over Naruto's and sucked the pork out of his throat and over into his own mouth.

Sasuke spit the meat out onto the table with the forgotten mess and turned back to his younger friend who had his eyebrows raised and a surprised expression on his face.

It took a few minutes, but Sasuke realized that while he was innocently trying to save his friend without taking any personal pleasure in it whatsoever he had put his hand on Naruto's waist. As soon as he noticed he pulled it away and looked everywhere but at the other ninja.

"What did you do that for?"

"Er...you were choking?"

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

There was a pregnant pause in which the boys were both thinking opposite things.

Sasuke was scolding himself for not using a different technique to save his friend.

Naruto was scolding Sasuke for only kissing him as a method to save his life.

They stood like that for quite a while until, eventually, Naruto had enough of only yelling at Sasuke in his head and actually voiced his opinions.

"Why? Wouldn't you kiss me unless one of our lives depended on it?"

"Don't be stupid! Of course I would kiss you otherwise."

The brunette's eyes widened to the size of plates when he grasped what had just come out of his mouth. Naruto's grin was taking up more than have of his face.

"Really?"

Understanding that he'd just pretty much killed his chances of being romantic, Sasuke looked back at Naruto.

"Yes. Really. Would you like proof?" He smiled when Naruto blushed and giggled a bit.

"Maybe."

Of course, Sasuke took that as an "Absolutely yes!" and took his new boyfriend's arm to lead him to the couch. Not that Naruto was to reluctant, mind you.

After that night, Naruto decided that he actually kinda liked the Stupid Jerk.

Then the night after that he decided that, oh yeah! He definitely liked the Stupid Jerk.


End file.
